I want to work on some things to make this blog a little nicer that would probably still be the second thing I would be doing the first would be finally setting up my own domain (self-hosting) because I finally figured that all out and now I just need to go and do it it was pain in the ass and of course the vacation got in the way of me starting on things but im home now and I want to do that as soon as possible im also just totally unmotivated right now and im going to try and work past that but I cant promise anything anyways other than that I also want to see what makeing my own game would look like and I want to see if thats worth it or not because you can shit out a game pretty easy with RPG maker or godat but there are limitations and I would like to do things on my own so seeing what starting from scratch will look like will let me determin what its go to look like I also think I need a way to learn some more computer stuff in way that isint intensely frustrating to me everyone online is lacking so im going to need to try even harder to find something decent out there something ive learned is that I struggle when I have to listen to people instcruct me I only really thrive with written commands so getting some reading material will push me way ahead so im going to keep an eye out for any but I doubt I will find anything give the intuitive nature of technology
I really want to do a bunch of fun things but sometimes I just cant bring myself to do them I just dont have the energy sometimes to do the things I enjoy and its also exsuasting to work physically mental and I mean both my hobbies and my actual job it just leaves me with no motivation and that sucks but I cant let it take over!!! lately ive let my negativity rub off on pepole and ive really messed up with that ive just ruined conversations with pepole like that I took a long break from the melonland forums because I was just getting negative with pepole I wasant doing anything wrong or saying anything wrong I was just being super negative about things that were on my mind and after that I dont feel like I can go back to that like it gets overwhelming knowing the majority of pepole there Ive had a really negative interaction with I dont want to talk to someone after that it just feels really wrong and I Dont like it the internet feels like a waste of my time sometimes and then I just quit talking to pepole online I was even thinking about deleting my account becuase I felt like Ive violated the fourms by being different and getting negative didint want to say this on the forums I felt like I shoudlent even say anything negative anymore im worried about it slighty and if I get negative again or waste time then I might do it after that I may time to think if theres anywhere else for me to go